By Jason Bennett, Specialist Intervention Advisor, and Reece Hawkins, Specialist Youth Engagement Worker.

Anxiety affects many autistic young people, yet it is often misunderstood. What looks like “challenging behaviour” is frequently the body’s way of signalling overwhelm, sensory overload, or fear. In this month’s Aspens Connections blog, we explore what anxiety is, how it shows up in autistic individuals, and how we can respond with understanding, compassion and practical support. We also share a powerful lived‑experience perspective from one of our own team members.

Voice of Lived Experience

Emily Murphy, a Specialist Intervention Advisor for Aspens West Sussex Children’s Service, who has autism and ADHD herself, explains how she manages her own anxiety, what support she has accessed, and the strategies she personally uses.

“I manage my anxiety by trying to stay proactive with my self-awareness. Learning about the science behind anxiety has helped me better understand how it manifests for me personally. I have often experienced physical symptoms of anxiety, including nausea, an upset stomach, hot flushes, shaking, and panic attacks. Understanding how my body responds to anxiety and learning what helps reduce those symptoms has been a key part of managing it more effectively.

I have also developed a better understanding of how my neurodiversity links to my anxiety. Recognising that certain situations, particularly overwhelming sensory environments such as concerts or crowded spaces, may trigger anxiety has helped me prepare more effectively. I have learned strategies I can use both before and after these situations to prevent my anxiety from escalating or spiralling.

I use practical coping strategies such as grounding techniques, breathing exercises, distraction methods, and sensory aids. One grounding technique I regularly use is the 5-4-3-2-1 method, where I identify five things I can see, four things I can feel, three things I can hear, two things I can smell, and one thing I can taste. I also find distraction games helpful, such as category games or identifying objects of a certain colour around me, as these help redirect my focus away from anxious thoughts.

Sensory aids have also been very beneficial for me. I use items such as Loop earplugs, fidget tools, and weighted comfort items, which help reduce sensory overwhelm and support emotional regulation. Other things I find helpful include listening to my own favourite music, having quiet recovery time after overwhelming situations, and planning ahead where possible.

Having a supportive workplace and being honest about my needs has also been crucial in helping me manage anxiety effectively. I have found that a balance of working from home alongside supporting neurodiverse young people works very well for me personally. Being in an environment where I feel understood and accommodated has had a very positive impact on both my wellbeing and confidence at work.

In terms of support, I think it is important to talk openly with trusted people around you, whether that is friends, family, colleagues, or professionals. I have found that understanding my own triggers and being kinder to myself during stressful periods has helped me manage anxiety much more effectively over time.”

What Is Anxiety?

Understanding Fight, Flight & Shutdown

Anxiety is the body’s alarm system. It helps keep us safe when something feels scary, overwhelming, confusing, or unpredictable.

For autistic young people, anxiety can happen more often because the world can feel very busy, loud, uncertain or exhausting to manage.

When the brain senses danger or overload, the body moves into a survival response:

Fight

The brain says: “I need to protect myself.”

This can look like:

• Shouting
• Arguing
• Aggression
• Refusing demands

Often, the young person is feeling overwhelmed or unsafe - not “being defiant.”

Flight

The brain says: “I need to get away.”

This can look like:

• Running away
• Hiding
• Leaving the room
• Avoiding school or busy places

This is usually the nervous system trying to escape overwhelm.

Shutdown / Freeze

The brain says: “I can’t cope anymore.”

This can look like:

• Going quiet
• Struggling to speak
• Withdrawing
• Becoming very still or exhausted

Shutdown is often misunderstood, but it is usually a sign the person is overwhelmed.

Anxiety and Sensory Overload

Noise, crowds, bright lights, change, or too much information can increase anxiety for autistic young people. When the nervous system becomes overloaded, fight, flight, or shutdown responses may happen automatically.

The most important thing to remember:
Behaviour is often communication. An anxious young person is usually struggling, not trying to be difficult.

Anxiety Myths - Quick Facts

Myth: “They’re just attention seeking.”
Truth: Most anxious behaviours are signs of overwhelm, stress, or feeling unsafe.

Myth: “If they can do it one day, they can do it every day.”
Truth: Anxiety changes depending on stress, sensory overload, energy levels, and environment.

Myth: “Shutdown means they are ignoring people.”
Truth: Shutdown is often the nervous system becoming overwhelmed and struggling to process or communicate.

Myth: “They need to toughen up.”
Truth: Young people manage anxiety best when they feel safe, understood, and supported.

Anxiety Symptoms

There are many symptoms of anxiety. Symptoms are our body’s sensory alarms - our body’s way of communicating with us.

Physical symptoms include:

• Heart racing or palpitations
• Faster breathing or shortness of breath
• Tense muscles, headaches, aches, or shaking
• Nausea, stomach aches, or a churning stomach
• Sweating, dizziness, hot flushes, or a dry mouth

Mental symptoms include:

• Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank
• Uncontrollable overthinking or predicting the worst
• A sense of impending danger, dread, or panic
• Feeling on edge, tense, or nervous

Behavioural symptoms include:

• Avoiding certain people, places, or situations
• Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
• Constantly asking for reassurance

Alexithymia

Alexithymia, also known as Emotional Blindness, is not a formal mental health disorder but is experienced by approximately 50% of autistic individuals. It also overlaps with conditions such as anxiety, PTSD and depression.

Alexithymia is when a person cannot process, understand, or describe how they are feeling inside. This means they may not recognise the warning signs of anxiety, know how to manage them, or ask for support.

Individuals with autism and potential alexithymia may also show:

• Verbal or physical frustration or anger
• Being verbally or physically inappropriate; seeking recognition
• Shouting or throwing items
• Functional or visual impairment

Children may show different symptoms, including:

• Pacing
• Crying
• Going to the toilet or seeking their safe place/person
• Singing or repetitive behaviours
• Tics and rituals

Triggers for Anxiety

Triggers vary widely between individuals. They can include:

• Noise - unexpected or too loud
• Smell - overwhelming scents in shops, environments, or on people
• Changes to routine
• Unpredictable environments (e.g., small children or animals)
• Pressure to mask
• Fear of coping in social situations
• Sensory overload or over-excitement

Strategies to Support Someone with Anxiety

• Reduce language and eye contact
• Give a safe, calming space away from the trigger
• Offer verbal and, where appropriate, physical reassurance
• Give U.P.R. (Unconditional Positive Regard) - see Carl Rogers’ core principles
• Use visual aids to support understanding
• Offer choices
• Always be respectful
• Don’t take it personally - irritability or withdrawal is rarely about you
• Create a support network of family, friends, carers, professionals, and colleagues
• Ask school, work, or college for reasonable adjustments
• Talk about the incident later, with reassurance, exploring feelings and triggers

Books

Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Children: A Guide for Autistic Wellbeing - Dr Luke Bearden

Neurosensory Divergence: Autistic Languages - Helen Daniel

The Practical CBT+DBT+ACT Workbook (10 in 1) - Andrew C. Hinkelberg

Neurodiversity for Dummies - John Marble, Khushboo Chabria, Ranga Jayaraman

Podcasts

By Your Side: An Autism Podcast

Included Not Excluded

Autism Awakening

Autism Dadcast

Resource of the Month

Anxiety UK